What with these feet?

On 3rd December at 10.39am I submitted the following sketch to The Treason Show. Sadly, later that day I noticed a sketch doing the rounds that was almost entirely the same in its concept, albeit with different songs. I knew straight away that mine would never see the light of day as that sketch had had over 2 million views in the first 24 hours. Anyway, thought it should have a home somewhere. So let's imagine what might have been... Sketch: Now That’s What I Call A Covid Christmas VO: Now That’s What I Call A Covid Christmas! All of your holiday favourites - updated for 2020 - including: (Caption & VO) All I Want for Christmas is Flu (Caption & VO) Fatality Rate of New York (Caption & VO) Not Driving Home For Christmas VO: And, it wouldn’t be Christmas without this updated classic from Wham! (To the tune of Last Christmas  by Wham!. Mark dressed like George Michael and Andrew Ridgely? They pull their masks up before singing.) 🎶Mask Christmas, 2 metres apart    But yo

I was recently asked to complete a creative writing task, a number of you will know what for, but for anyone at work that reads this, it was just for a bit of fun. Anyway, the task was: 'write a speech for the best man or matron of honour at the wedding of two people who REALLY shouldn’t be marrying each other (500 words).' Here is what I submitted. Well, here we are then – there’s no going back now. My Lords, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls; Trevor – firstly, those of you who didn’t think today would ever happen - and you know who you are - I’ll be along to collect as soon as I have finished this speech. Please don’t try to disappear anywhere! That includes you John, Andy, (beat, quietly) the Mother of the bride. Now, you may not know, or even care, who I am, but Tim and I have known each other since middle school. And, after recently losing an intense, at times brutal, rock, paper, scissors contest, I was confirmed as his best man. Seriously, who chooses paper? Damn you