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The Treason Show Sketch - Now That's What I Call A Covid Christmas

On 3rd December at 10.39am I submitted the following sketch to The Treason Show. Sadly, later that day I noticed a sketch doing the rounds that was almost entirely the same in its concept, albeit with different songs. I knew straight away that mine would never see the light of day as that sketch had had over 2 million views in the first 24 hours. Anyway, thought it should have a home somewhere. So let's imagine what might have been...

Sketch: Now That’s What I Call A Covid Christmas


VO: Now That’s What I Call A Covid Christmas! All of your holiday favourites - updated for 2020 - including:

(Caption & VO)
All I Want for Christmas is Flu

(Caption & VO)
Fatality Rate of New York

(Caption & VO)
Not Driving Home For Christmas

VO: And, it wouldn’t be Christmas without this updated classic from Wham!

(To the tune of Last Christmas  by Wham!. Mark dressed like George Michael and Andrew Ridgely? They pull their masks up before singing.)

🎶Mask Christmas, 2 metres apart   
But your family can’t stay, see them from your doorway
Next year, to save me from tiers
I'm moving to central Wales🎶

VO: And that’s not all! What about these!

(Caption & VO)
2000 Miles (For an eye test) by The Pretender

(Caption & VO)
I Saw Mommy Intubating Santa Claus

(Caption & VO)
HaPPE Xmas (War is Over)

VO: And don’t forget this updated classic from Paul McCartney.

(To the tune of Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmastime)

🎶The mood is bright
Our resolve’s tough
We're stood apart
It’s not too rough
Simply Having a Socially Distant Time
Simply Having a Socially Distant Time🎶

CAPTION & VO: Also featuring,

(Caption & VO)
Here Comes Track and Trace

(Caption & VO)
Plant Her Maybe

(Caption & VO)
Do You Fear What I Fear

VO: And this updated Adam Faith classic!

(To the tune of Lonely Pup (in a Christmas Shop) by Adam Faith)

Cold dead eyes that seem to say,
Don’t sack me I want to stay,
Guess what he had in that box,
Just a lonely cup in a Cummings prop.

Took a trip, to test his eyes
That he was not sacked came as no surprise
He was selfish, and a fop
With a lonely cup in a Cummings prop

VO: Also featuring

(VO & Caption)
The R Rate - Let It Slow! Let It Slow! Let It Slow  

(VO & Caption)
Costly The BoJoMan

(VO & Caption)
Here Comes Pfizer’s Spores

VO: And last, but by no means least, this updated classic from Jona Lewie.

(To the tune of Jona Lewie’s Stop the Cavalry)

🎶Hey, Mr. Johnson please come over here
Stop saying we are doing splendidly
We’re all very tired, of all of your lies
Please just talk to us sensibly
Oh I say it's tough, We’ve all had enough
Won’t you stop the Covid please?

(Overlaid with pictures of Mr Johnson looking foolish and/or people from the cabinet? If possible, could the picture change on each ‘dumb’? )
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb, dumb-dumb-dumb,
dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb, dumb-dumb-dumb,
dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Wish it had been cured for Christmas.

So whether you’ve been naughty or nice, make sure this goes to the top of your Christmas list!

Now That’s What I Call A Covid Christmas, available never, from all bad record shops.

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