Skip to main content

'Etudiant' Sketch - Broadcast on BBC Newsjack - S23 E4 15-10-20

As you will have no doubt already read in my essay here, I was absolutely chuffed to get a sketch on S23 E4 of BBC Radio 4 Extra's Newsjack. You can listen to the sketch via the embeded link and then read what I actually submitted to the show and see where the script editors did a fantastic job of punching it up.


Student anger over ‘junk’ food parcels in isolation

Universities are facing anger from students over conditions some have faced while self-isolating in campus accommodation. Students have criticised the cost and quality of food provided to them - which seems a bit rich considering most students seem to live off a diet consisting purely of pasta and beans on toast! A night out at the latest fancy eatery must seem like an impossible dream to most students right now…     

FASHIONABLE NEW DINING EXPERIENCE - ÉTUDIANT

ATMOS:                    RESTAURANT AMBIENCE

WOMAN 1:                Wow, I can’t believe you managed to get us into this place.

MAN 1:                       I know, we were really lucky that couple had to cancel because they are self-isolating.

MAÃŽTRE D':               (French Accent) Good evening. Welcome to Étudiant - the most authentic pop-up dining experience of 2020. Now, if you will follow me.

FX:                              SOUNDS OF THEM WALKING THROUGH THE RESTAURANT

MAN 1:                       Is that a single bed?

MAÃŽTRE D':               (French Accent) Please take a seat.

FX:                              SOUNDS OF BED SPRINGS COMPRESSING

WOMAN 1:                But where’s the table?

MAÃŽTRE D':               (French Accent) Your tray, madam. Monsieur.

FX:                              SOUNDS OF WOODEN TRAYS BEING HANDED OVER

WOMAN 1:                Oooh, this bread looks fancy; are the bluey green bits olives?

MAÃŽTRE D':               (French Accent) Erm, sure. So, tonight we are serving our 3-course set-menu. We begin with a reinvention of a classic British Starter. Chef has deconstructed sumptuous shellfish and a mouth-watering blend of tomatoes, mayonnaise, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice and a soupçon of cracked black pepper, before delicately combining it all with slices of hand-fried potato.

FX:                              SOUND OF A BOWL BEING PLACED DOWN AND CRUNCHING          

MAN 1:                       Wait, are these just prawn cocktail crisps?

MAÃŽTRE D':               (French Accent) What? Of course not. Now, madame et monsieur, our main course tonight is a real culinary delight. A succulent chicken and rich mushroom flavoured sauce sits atop a nest of fine noodles.

WOMAN 1:                Mmm, that does sound good.

MAÃŽTRE D':               Ah, but that is not all. As an extra little flourish, chef provides you with a tiny sachet of soy sauce, which he invites you to stir in just before eating. C’est magnifique! (Makes Chef’s kiss sound).

MAN 1:                       Hang on, that sounds a lot like a pot noodle?

MAÃŽTRE D':               (French accent) A pot what? Sir must surely be mistaken. Anyway, make sure you save some room for dessert because chef has created a truly fun dish. Sweet and sour flavours will fizz off your tongue as you delight in the painstakingly crafted jelly shapes - including bears, cherries, and the pièce de résistance, a dummy.  

 MAN 1:                      You’re talking about Haribo Tangfastics aren’t you. Come on Samantha we’re leaving.

FX:                              SOUND OF WATER BOILING AND ELECTRIC KETTLE SWITCHING OFF

MAÃŽTRE D':               (French Accent) But sir, wait; your mains are almost ready.

END

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Breaking the News - Series 20

BBC Radio Scotland's Breaking the news started its latest 10-week run on 15th October 2021. Please see my submissions below. Hopefully some of these will have green text at some point to indicate they made it on air! 🤞 Jump to: Episode 1 Episode 2 Episode 3 Episode 4 COP26 Special Episode 6 Episode 7 Episode 8 Episode 9 Episode 10 Xmas Special Episode 1 - 15/10/21 Today was the 200th show. Congratulations to all involved! Openers & closers This is our 200th show. A lot has happened since our first broadcast on 5th June 2015. Back then Brexit didn’t mean Brexit; Corona was just a beer and Furlough was something we only said when describing clouds. A vegan food blogger from the Netherlands has won the World Porridge Making Championships. Miriam Groot, 25, who runs a blog called The Veggie Reporter, beat competitors from around the world. She submitted three entries to the competition and the third one was judged just right. Wildlife...
Post a Comment
Read more

That was the week(end) that was (TW(e)3)

I can’t remember exactly when it was I booked up to Craft of Comedy (CofC), and if I’m honest this post is so inconsequential there’s no point in going back through old emails for ‘facts’. However, I can remember how I felt a few moments after I had added the three requested letters from my 3D secure password to the final payment screen - R B P for those that are interested, I’ll remember to include my mother’s maiden name in a future paragraph - I felt incredibly excited that I had finally taken a bold step towards something I had been ‘banging on about' for such a long time. Of course, about two minutes later I also felt incredibly nervous thinking about the fact I was going to have to go somewhere quite far away, with a lot of people, none of whom I knew, who might ask me the dreaded question: “what are you writing?” to which I didn’t really have a very good answer… In all honesty, I also wasn't exactly sure what I had actually signed up for given that the only informat...
2 comments
Read more

Breaking the News - Series 19

BBC Radio Scotland's Breaking the news started its latest 10-week run on 25th June 2021. Please see my submissions below. Hopefully some of these will have green text at some point to indicate they made it on air! 🤞 Jump to: Episode 1 Episode 2 Episode 3 Episode 4 Episode 5 Episode 6 Episode 7 Episode 8 Episode 9 Episode 10 Episode 1 - 25/06/21 Really liked a couple of these, and they also did nicely on Twitter, but not to the taste of the show makers this week, sadly. Openers & closers Disney’s live action remake of The Little Mermaid has been hit by a Covid outbreak. However, in order not to delay the film’s release, it will be incorporated into the script. So, songs in the film will now include Don’t Kiss the Girl, More Unfortunate Souls and Under the C-19.    A parrot in Hartlepool was reported to the police for squawking a string of swearwords at a neighbour. The Parrot now faces being charged with a pieces of hate crime. A new ...
Post a Comment
Read more