Episode One - Broadcast 25/09/2020
Despite initially having the time, I ended up watching a lot of football on TV at the weekend and every time I tried to sit down to write, I just wasn't feeling it! However, managed to submit two oneliners, so I was moderately happy.
Oneliners
Health Secretary Matt Hancock said people must obey the rules to prevent a second national lockdown warning that Britain was facing a ‘Tipping Point’. Leading many voters wishing they had chosen a different column, last December.
Jon Bon Jovi revealed some of his latest tunes were penned in his home studio, which has been described as a ‘stinky man cave.’ The news was welcomed by fans of the band’s earlier work as they are looking forward to some new cheesy numbers.
Episode Two - Broadcast 01/10/2020
I could basically say exactly the same as last week! Seemed to do everything this weekend except sit down and write! Again, still managed to submit two oneliners; although I didn't hold out much hope for either if I'm honest.
Oneliners
An Argentinian MP has been suspended after being caught on live camera caressing his partner before appearing to partially pull down her top during a virtual session of the Country’s lower house of Congress. Some British politicians said the MP’s suspension seemed harsh, as they’d expect far less for feeling a bit of a tit.
The Great North Air Ambulance Service is introducing what it says will be the world’s first paramedic using a jet suit following a recent test flight which saw a patient reached within 90 seconds, rather than the 25 minutes it would have taken on foot. When asked how his family had reacted to this incredible feat, the pilot said, “I’m not the man they think I am at home, Oh no no no...”
Episode Three - Broadcast 08/10/2020
Only managed two oneliners again. Thought the one stood a good chance, but it wasn't to be.
Oneliners
Boris Johnson has hinted that the Covid-19 Rule of Six could be suspended for Christmas. The government were said to be reviewing the situation following a legal challenge filed by the firm, Dasher, Prancer and Vixen.
Actor Shia LaBeouf has been charged with misdemeanour battery and petty theft after allegedly stealing a man’s hat in Los Angeles. Mr LaBeouf was said to have argued with the man before using “force and violence,” adding to the fan’s traumas.
Episode Four - Broadcast 15/10/2020
Properly knuckled down this weekend - the fact it was an International weekend in the football really helped! Managed to have a decent idea for a sketch and it came together fairly quickly at first, although finessing it and refining it took a bit longer. All-in-all I think I spent about 3-4 hours on it. Worth it though dear reader as I had an email on Thursday the 15th from the Production team informing me I'd got something included in the show! My first Newsjack credit! 😍 I was desperately hoping it would be the sketch and as I listened I was really hoping I wouldn't hear the oneliner I'd sent it! When I heard Kiri start reading the intro to my sketch, I won't lie, I let out a little scream! I was also mouthing along to the words, much to my partner, Clare's delight! I was chuffed that so much of what I had actually written made it into the final version! And the script editors Laura Major and Kat Sadler did a great job on punching it up 🥰 I've added the sketch in a separate blog, which you can read here. (As well as listen to the sketch as broadcast).
Oneliners
The US city of Danbury, Connecticut has renamed its sewage plant after the British-American comedian, John Oliver following his expletive-filled tirade against the city on TV. Explaining the name change, Danbury’s Mayor tweeted: “Because it’s full of crap – just like you John.” Other buildings may now follow suit, a Fertility Clinic in Ohio is considering renaming itself the House of Commons.
Episode Five - Broadcast 22/10/2020
After the euphoria of last week, I decided I should try my best to spend as much time as possible on writing for the show again this week. Came up with what I thought was a decent sketch idea, and a couple of good oneliners. Sadly however, they didn't tickle the fancy of the Newsjack team. C'est la vie! If you want to read the sketch, click here. I also managed a couple of Good Week / Bad Weeks.
Oneliners
The Polish Navy confirmed that no divers were harmed as the largest World War Two bomb ever found in Poland detonated during an attempt to diffuse it. They have however conceded that in hindsight, they probably should have cleared the pool first.
London estate agency, Foxtons, failed to notify customers their data may be at risk following a hack. The issue only became known when users received suspicious phonecalls claiming their chauffeurs may have been involved in an accident.
Good Week / Bad Week
It has been a good week for Indian ballet dancer, Kamal Singh, who joined the English National Ballet School after crowdfunding the necessary fees.
It has been a bad week for Fatima, who will now be moved onto a course in Cyber. (She just doesn’t know it yet).
It has been a good week for pumpkin farmers as supermarkets are reporting roaring sales.
It has been a bad week for the producers of a Donald Trump Halloween mask as sales have dwindled.
Episode Six - Broadcast 29/10/2020
Was very tired all weekend so was only going to look at writing oneliners for this week, however at about 7.30 on the Sunday night I had an idea for a sketch, the majority of which I wrote then and finished it before work Monday morning. I liked it, especially the out gag. You can read it for yourself, here. Also managed a couple of oneliners on the Tuesday morning before work. This was the last in the series until February next year, might try and catch up on my sleep before then!
Oneliners
A campaign calling for the mandatory microchipping of pet cats has won cross-party support. Microchipping ensures pets can be reunited with their owners should they go missing. However, owners should be aware that there is currently a 3-month average waiting time for cat scans.
Dwayne Johnson has shared a video on his Instagram in which he celebrates the value of gym injuries. “The Rock” is seen with blood trickling down his temple, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase, pumping iron.
Comments
Post a Comment