500 words: "Again"

Sometimes it is incredibly difficult.

That was always the hardest thing to get across to other people. They may have been sympathetic had they been given the chance to make their own minds up, but as he always kept it well hidden, this hypothesis was never tested.

Although some memories may fade over time, he remembers quite vividly when it all changed for him.

He was 19 years old, living at home and working in a factory. Life was fine, if a little uneventful. The job was mind-numbingly boring, but he was well paid for his age. Having very few overheads to worry about, and no one else to spend his money on, he always had a fair bit of cash burning a hole in his pocket.

And that’s where the danger lay.

He craved, something. And the one place he found it, was the online casinos.

They say time doesn’t exist in a casino and an online one is no different. He spent hours sitting in that cheap plastic chair in the spare room mindlessly clicking the mouse every few seconds watching various items spin into view. That buzz of excitement after every click was never any different - this could be the one that makes him rich.

But of course, it never was.

Over time it made him lose everything. Relationships, a house, the love and respect of his family. If he had known that then do you think he would have carried on?

The unfortunate truth is that yes, yes he would have.

You see, he had no control over it, he was addicted, and an addiction is not something you have any control over. So, despite the times when he seemed to be back on an even keel – albeit indebted to his parents, he always succumbed to the lure of trying to make it right.

He longed for that one win that would allow him to pay everybody back. He would never be able to take back the lies and deceit, but if he could at least give back the money, then maybe that would help towards making amends.

But, as any good (bad) gambler knows, chasing losses is never going to end well.

And of course, it didn’t for him either.

Five becomes ten, ten becomes twenty, and so on and so on until eventually, he was broke again.

Living from payday to payday, desperately hoping that no one finds out what he’s done. His heart racing anytime he saw a call from an unknown number in case it was one of the banks looking for their minimum payment. What kind of life was this to live. Again.

Surely, he must now realise that what he is doing is ridiculous. If he just stopped, then everything would get immeasurably better.

But of course, he could never realise this.

He was addicted, and an addiction is not something you have any control over.

So the cycle continues.

And I have no choice but to leave him.