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Police Line Up Sketch

 This is a sketch I submitted to S24 E3 of Newsjack. Apologies if some of the formatting is off, pasted it straight from the Word Doc for ease.

Brits struggle to identify some veg

Whilst most Britons know they should be eating more green vegetables, it was announced this week that millions of us don’t actually know which plant is which. A recent study saw one in 10 people surveyed fail to identify a cabbage and one in six couldn’t identify leeks. A lot of those surveyed obviously weren’t Welsh. Apart from the health implications, what consequences can there be from not knowing your artichoke from your endive…        

 

VEGETABLE POLICE LINEUP

 

FX:                         POLICE STATION EFFECTS

PC:                          Now take your time, have a good look and tell us if you think you can spot the perpetrator in this lineup?

VICTIM:                  Oh, I’m not really sure it was quite dark.

PC:                          I thought it was the middle of the day?

VICTIM:                  Erm, I was wearing sunglasses.

PC:                         OK, how about trying to rule some of the suspects out?

VICTIM:                  Yes, that’s probably best. Number three.

PC:                          Number three, step forward two paces.  

VICTIM:                  OK yes, that’s broccoli; it definitely wasn’t them.

PC:                          Number three, you’re free to go. Next?

VICTIM:                  Number five?

PC:                          Number five, two paces forwards.

VICTIM:                  Ah, lovely succulent peas. No, it wasn’t them either.

PC:                          Off you go number five. OK, just one, two and four remaining.         

VICTIM:                  Oh, I’m really not sure now. Is number one spinach? I’m fairly certain it wasn’t spinach? Although, there were lots of them?

PC:                         Lots of them you say? Well, it was a very hot day yesterday, so we can rule you out in that case number one. Off you go. OK. Numbers two and four, step forwards please.

NUMBER FOUR:    Look, this is ridiculous. I was just driving around, and they stopped me and dragged me in here. It’s the third time in the last 3-months!

PC:                         Quiet please, number four!

NUMBER TWO:      Oh dear. Looks like it’s between us two then?

NUMBER FOUR:    Ooh, I wonder who they’re going to pick! You, number two, White Cabbage or me, number four, Cavolo Nero!  

END

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