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I'm sorry, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue!

One of my favourite comedies of all time is BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. It is one of the most consistent programmes of any format, and it manages to elicit at least a couple of proper belly laughs from me every episode.

Some of the stuff they have 'gotten away with' over the years - particularly anything relating to the mime-master general himself, Lionel Blair, is incredible and testament to the fantastic writers the show has had. The loss of Iain Pattinson earlier this year was a huge blow, as he was an outstanding writer and he will be sorely missed. 

I thought it was high-time I shared some of my own, 'Clue-style' efforts, enjoy!

Uxbridge English Dictionary definitions

Abortion – Avoid Swedish Pop Group

Abundant – Damage to sweet roll

Accent – Hatchet smell

Accident – Hatchet-like mark on car

Accidentally – Counting up the number of hatchet-like marks on a car

Accommodating – Courting a punctuation mark

Accountability – Dracula-like talent

Addicted – Mean bear

Addiction – The act of avoiding Piers Morgan

Adolescence – Popular singer fragrance

Affection - The act of avoiding Father Jack

Bicycle – Purchase harvesting tool 

Brew – Cold ghost sound

Fundamentalist – Trump campaign contributor

Genie - Cords

Guffaw – Hugely impressed by flatulence

Gullibility – Seaside bird skill

Lavatory – Enamoured toward posh Cockney Conservative 

Politics – Nervous Parrot / Parrot fleas

Polyamorous – Parrot love

Polyfilla – Parrot taxidermist 

Polygamy – Contracted disease from parrot love

Polygon – The end of parrot love

Sentimental – Received Swiss Cheese through the post

Sierra - Southern Irish Tourist Company


And of course, I had to have a go at one of the show's staples! 🥰

Samantha has been spending time in the Gramophone library recently where she has taken to listening repeatedly to 80s classic, Agadoo. However, this appears to have enraged one of the kindly old Archivists as Samantha said that whenever she’s got nothing but Black Lace on, he’s ready to explode within seconds.

I have listened to loads of Samantha jokes to make sure that this isn't another writers' line that I have somehow buried deep in my subconscious and used as my own many years later. If it does transpire that there was something similar, then I will remove it immediately!

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